The Silver Sphinx

 

“I will be temperate in my actions and moderate in my behavior.

I will strive to emulate Iomedae’s perfection.”

tenth tenet of the paladin code of Iomedae

 

 

Second Clerk's Day of Decadre, 126 HR

Sarin stood in his office, staring at the globe of Ortho, as he often did when he was in a bad mood. He was well aware of the fact that he associated his home world with difficulties, even if the difficulties did not originate from Ortho at all. Nevertheless, the uneasy feeling was often connected to his old home world. These emotions were not free from contradictions. He loved his native land, Iironda; he missed the warmth there, the architecture, the bustling activity and the scents of the capital, Han. On the other hand, the Homeworld itself was usually not a source of joy, but rather a cause of annoyance and strife. And yet, the feelings that overwhelmed him today were not Ortho’s fault. Red Shroud was to blame - and he himself. A day had passed since the events on Arcadia. He had returned to Sigil; he had told his wife Faith and Lady Juliana what had happened. Both had been dismayed, but not entirely surprised, as little as he himself. Part of him had feared it might come to this when he had set out for his goddess’ realm.

He recalled the events with reluctance, and yet his thoughts kept returning to the Basilica of Iomedae. He had never felt so degraded and humiliated. His cheeks had burned with shame, his blood pounding hot in his temples, so disparaged, so chastised, so exposed under the gaze of the angels and his goddess. And yet, at the same time, no punishment had ever felt more deserved, not even Juliana’s occasional disciplining back when she had been his superior and he far from being factol. Whenever she had felt obligated to punish him, Killeen or Tonat for some transgression, they had always known it had not been undeserved - in stark contrast to Delazar’s dubious corrections. And yet, not even those situations had felt as justified as the judgment Arakiel and Karasiel had passed upon him. On the one hand … On the other, there was a contradiction. A contradiction deep within him that he was only slowly and gradually beginning to grasp.

A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts. When he gave permission to enter, the decuria on duty announced Kiyoshi. The young soldier wished to speak with him on an urgent matter. Sarin wasn’t exactly in the mood for a conversation, whether with Kiyoshi or anyone else. However, he knew the young man from Kamigawa well enough by now to be certain that he wouldn’t seek him out without good reason. Therefore, he gave permission for Kiyoshi to enter.

The young soldier stopped at a respectful distance, struck his fist against his breastplate and bowed his head. “Venerable Factol Sarin-gensui.”

Sarin nodded. “Soldier. What is it?” He was aware that a hint of fatigue might be noticeable in his voice.

“I come with a warning, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui,” Kiyoshi replied solemnly.

“A warning?”

“Indeed, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui. As you know, Jana of the honorable faction of the Athar has the ability to see the future in her visions. Yesterday she had another such vision, and it concerns you, my lord. Since we do not know when this vision will come to pass, I have taken the liberty of informing you of it today. I hope this is in your interests.”

Sarin scrutinized the young man closely. Something was strange, something in the way Kiyoshi spoke, in his posture, his gaze. A certain tension was evident, even though he was making a truly masterful effort to hide it. Almost as if he weren’t telling the whole truth. Kiyoshi had never lied to him before; of that Sarin was certain. And even now, he certainly didn’t want to accuse his soldier of lying, but perhaps he was hiding something or not presenting the facts quite correctly.

“A vision concerning me?” Sarin asked, without giving away his thoughts. “I see.” He hoped that this vision had nothing to do with the events on Arcadia.

“Indeed,” Kiyoshi confirmed seriously. “It may be possible to prevent what we have seen, or at least mitigate it.” The fact that he briefly lowered his gaze as he spoke reinforced Sarin’s suspicions.

“Sounds quite dramatic.” The factol furrowed his brow, then pointed to the long conference table. “Very well, let’s sit down.”

“As you command, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui.” Kiyoshi made a move to take a seat a few chairs away from him, but at a nod from Sarin, he sat down directly opposite him. It took a moment for the young man to wriggle the bronze-scaled dragon’s tail through the space between the seat and the backrest and fold his wings so they wouldn’t collide with the chair back. Apparently, he still had to get used to his new appearance, altered since the mission in the Abyss. Who could blame him?

 

 

Once he was seated, Sarin nodded encouragingly. “Well then, speak.” He could clearly see how uncomfortable Kiyoshi felt, which did little to allay his fears.

“Venerable Factol Sarin-gensui, we observed the following: You were in a large cathedral, which was very impressive, and in which we saw banners and statues of your kami Iomedae. Standing by an altar were two angels, one male, with dark hair and white-and-red feathered wings, one female, with golden hair and white-and-golden wings. You stepped before them and ...”

Sarin closed his eyes briefly. Of course, it was about the events on Arcadia the day before. Why had he even tried to delude himself? He raised his hand, and Kiyoshi fell silent immediately. “So, that is what you saw? All of you?” He felt a mixture of unease and resentment rising within him.

The young soldier lowered his gaze. “I’m afraid so, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui.”

“Great,” Sarin snorted. He felt the resentment gaining the upper hand. “Now, that’s what I needed. Thanks to this cursed Prophecy, it seems I have absolutely no privacy left.”

“Forgive me, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui,” Kiyoshi replied in a low voice. “I did not mean to upset you.”

Sarin buried his face in his hands and tried to regain some composure. “You haven’t. It’s not your fault that these gifts have a strange life of their own. It just doesn’t sit right with me.” He stared down at the tabletop in front of him and remained silent for a few moments. Then he looked back at Kiyoshi. “Thank you for the warning, soldier. However, the matter has … already resolved itself.”

Something in the young man’s gaze told him that he wasn’t really surprised. Yes, that must have been it - the initial tension Sarin had sensed. Kiyoshi, like the other Chosen, had certainly feared that the vision had already come to pass. The young soldier had visited him to discuss it and had sought the most respectful and diplomatic way to do so. Successfully, Sarin concluded. There was nothing wrong with the way the young soldier had sought out the conversation and broached the subject. Which, however, did not change the fact that the idea of all the Chosen having witnessed the events on Arcadia was extremely unpleasant. No, more than unpleasant … it made him angry. Not with Kiyoshi, but with the fact itself.

“The Anarchists, the Athar …” Sarin snorted. “How lovely that everyone could witness that. One might think I’m not the knight in this Prophecy, but the fool!”

Kiyoshi kept his head bowed, apparently prepared to submit to his factol’s displeasure. But Sarin contained himself. He didn’t want to punish the messenger, especially since the young man had behaved more than properly. The brief surge of anger subsided as quickly as it had emerged, and the feeling of resignation returned.

“The question is whether the other Chosen are allowed to tell their factols, right?”

“Indeed.” Kiyoshi raised his eyes again. “So that they can help you. The other Chosen have also offered their support.”

Sarin sighed. How much had the Chosen seen? Were they even aware of what they were offering their help for? “Have you heard what the tasks are?” he asked seriously.

When Kiyoshi merely nodded, Sarin crossed his arms and stared at the tabletop in silence for a while. “Yeah, all quite simple,” he finally remarked with a hint of sarcasm. “What do you think of this whole affair, soldier?”

Kiyoshi straightened up slightly, as he always did when Sarin asked him to comment on a topic he’d rather keep quiet about. “May I speak frankly, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui?”

Sarin nodded emphatically. “By all means.”

“Well,” the young man began. “It is unlikely that you will be able to keep any of this hidden from the venerable Lady Erin-heika anyway, so it would probably be wise to make her privy to this secret. Jana is dangerous if no one guides her with a firm hand. I believe you have more to lose if she is left unbridled with this knowledge than if the venerable Factol Terrance-heika knows of it and commands her silence.”

Sarin noticed that this was the second time Kiyoshi had used the sorceress’ name without the -san suffix. Yet he let the young man finish speaking without interrupting him.

“I trust the venerable Factol Ambar-heika and the venerable Factol Rhys-heika,” Kiyoshi declared. “Likewise, I trust the honorable Naghûl-san, the honorable Lady Lereia-hiheika and the venerable Lady Morânia-sama. I also trust the honorable Sgillin-san, though not the other members of his faction. I hope we can convince him that it is for the good of all and of the Prophecy if he keeps this secret to himself. However, this is only my humble opinion, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui, and in your wisdom you have surely already weighed this matter yourself.”

After this unusually long speech, Kiyoshi fell silent, and Sarin smiled slightly for the first time since the start of the conversation. “You are certainly right about one thing: I cannot hide it forever. Nor do I doubt the sincerity of the other Chosen or that of Erin, Ambar, Rhys or Terrance. It’s good to know that Jana may not share her factol’s views on this matter. However, I’m certain that Terrance possesses enough authority to keep her from doing anything foolish. As for the Revolutionary League, no one among the Anarchists except Sgillin must find out about it. For they would certainly spare no effort to destroy me with the help of that knowledge. It’s actually out of the question that any Anarchist should know about this matter, or even come into contact with it in any way … Completely absurd, really.” He sighed deeply. “But strange times create strange alliances, I suppose.” Once again, he stared silently and pensively at the tabletop for a while. “And you?” he then asked Kiyoshi.

The young man had since regained his usual stoic composure. “Forgive my ignorance, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui, but I do not understand the question.”

Sarin hesitated briefly. It was hard for him to speak the following words aloud, but he did so nonetheless. “Some would argue that I have … lost my honor.” The words passed his lips with some difficulty. “You yourself said that you regard me as your lord and prince. How does that sit with you?”

Kiyoshi nodded solemnly and seemed to ponder the question for a moment. “This is how I see it,” he then explained. “The angels who passed judgment upon you did not seem entirely in agreement. The kami known as Arakiel was against you from the very beginning. In his eyes, you had already failed the moment you became factol, indeed, the moment you even went to Sigil. The other kami named Karasiel even spoke in your favor to some extent. Ultimately, only your kami Iomedae could judge you directly and justly, yet she remained silent. I believe she wants you to pass these difficult trials to dispel any doubts about the depth of your faith that some of her other servants may have. If she had truly wanted to punish you, if she had truly deemed you guilty, she would have revoked her grace the very moment of the kiss. So I think that she is still with you and that you will emerge from this trial stronger and more respected, so that your doubters will finally be silenced. Yes, I believe you are still a man of honor; otherwise, you would not have been given the opportunity to regain your status.”

Sarin smiled again, surprised but also pleased with Kiyoshi’s candor and his assessment of the situation. Moreover, these were words he had heard before. “Do you know that Lady Juliana told me pretty much the same yesterday?”

Kiyoshi modestly lowered his gaze. “Far be it from me to claim that I possess even a fraction of the wisdom of the venerable Lady Juliana-sama.”

Sarin nodded seriously. “And I don't want to be so presumptuous as to judge how much wisdom lies in the words of those who defend me. In any case, you possess a great deal of loyalty. It means a lot to me, Kiyoshi, to know that even in this situation there are people who stand by me, regardless of the circumstances. There are far too many who, in such a case, would succumb to the temptation to turn against you.”

For the first time since the start of the conversation, a brief smile flitted across Kiyoshi’s face. “I thank you for your trust, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui.”

“I’ll need a while to process all of this, to get used to it … somehow.” Sarin felt a certain sense of exhaustion wash over him again. “I will do my best to ensure no one notices. In the long run, I fear, that won’t work, but at least for the beginning, I intend to keep it that way. In any case, I thank you for your words, Kiyoshi. How does the saying go? Rays of light find us in even the darkest moments.”

“Indeed, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui.” Kiyoshi bowed his head. “One of the reasons I revere the dragon Yosei, the Morning Star. He brings new light after the darkness of the night.”

Sarin nodded. Kiyoshi had mentioned this venerable dragon a few times already, and his former lord, the daimyo Musashi Ittosai, had also told Sarin about Yosei during his visit to Kamigawa. “Sounds almost like Lathander,” Sarin remarked. “I suppose you and Lady Morânia must get along well in that regard.”

A brief smile flitted across Kiyoshi’s features once more, and he nodded. But then his expression grew serious again. “What am I to tell the other Chosen of our little group?”

“That I agree. They may inform their factols,” Sarin replied. “But under no circumstances do I want anyone else to learn about it, least of all an Anarchist.”

Kiyoshi bowed his head. “I will convey your answer exactly as you say, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui.”

“Good.” Sarin nodded. “Lady Juliana and my wife are the only ones who know about it so far … well, at least that’s what I thought until just now. My two legates and my adjutant will learn about it, as will Prefect Fireheart. But no one else for the time being. Although I don’t think I can keep it hidden from some of my prefects or my older children for long. Still: I don’t want to alarm anyone just yet, nor give anyone a weapon to use against me. I just don’t know what to do about Valiant. Juliana said she still senses something sacred in me. That must be Karasiel’s blessing. I therefore hope that this will be enough to delude Valiant, at least superficially.” When Kiyoshi remained silent, Sarin sighed. “You have your fears, hm?”

“It is not my place to doubt the venerable Lord Valiant-sama,” Kiyoshi replied. His expression was as impassive as ever when the young soldier was desperately trying to appear neutral. He was clearly making an effort to sound sincere, but Sarin knew him well enough by now.

“Excellent.” He smiled. “Let’s leave it at that for now. I’ll pray that Valiant doesn’t notice anything. Because if he does ...” He sighed and waved his hand dismissively. “Well, surely the entire multiverse can’t conspire against me ... I hope not. In any case, soldier: I thank you for the information and also for your encouragement. I have a meeting with my prefects soon, and I don’t want to be late. We’ll definitely see each other again before you set out on the expedition to the Outlands.”

Kiyoshi rose and bowed, striking his fist against his breastplate. “May the kami watch over you, venerable Factol Sarin-gensui.”

Sarin nodded. “And may the Lady's Grace be upon you, soldier.”

After Kiyoshi had left the room, Sarin looked after him for a while. As unexpected and unpleasant as the news was that the Chosen had seen everything that had happened on Arcadia, there was still a silver lining. For one thing, he now didn’t have to decide himself whether to let his colleagues Erin, Ambar, Rhys and Terrance in on the matter. That decision had been taken out of his hands, apparently by the Prophecy itself. And if he was honest, it certainly relieved him to have their support and that of the Chosen. On the other hand, Kiyoshi’s words about the angels’ judgment and Iomedae’s possible motives had been quite reassuring. All the more so since Lady Juliana had said almost the same. If two people as different as the archbishop of the Archonites and the young soldier from Kamigawa shared the same view on this matter, perhaps there really was some truth to it.

His thoughts returned to the feelings that had concerned him shortly before Kiyoshi’s arrival. To the inner strife that had overcome him after he had been back in Sigil. Part of him accepted the judgment. Perhaps Arakiel and Karasiel were right that his misstep had not been a single act, but rather his attitude in general. He had presumed to decide on his own where obedience to his church would have been required. That Iomedae had revoked her grace was thus not an arbitrary act or even cruelty, but a logical consequence. Yes, it was a punishment, but not as a sign of rejection, rather as a call to improve and redeem himself. He wanted to regain his goddess’ favor, of that he had no doubt. He wanted to serve Iomedae, and therefore he would submit to her judgment. He was convinced that obedience to his goddess and his responsibility towards Sigil and the Lady did not have to be mutually exclusive. That it was possible to be both, a paladin and a factol, even if that path had now become narrower and more uncertain. But if it had once been possible, then it had to be possible again. Anything else would mean that order only lasted as long as it wasn’t put to the test.

Yet there was another voice within him. It was quieter and more reserved, yet it refused to call his decision for the kiss a mere mistake. He was aware of his hubris, acknowledged it and even reproached himself for it. He knew that his pride had guided him, perhaps more than it should have. And yet a part of him still believed that he had done the right thing. Not a perfect act by his church’s standards, not a pure act, but a necessary one. The quiet voice of that part told him that humility was important, but not to the point of self-denial. That obedience did not mean ignoring one’s own conscience. And that his pride was not just the height from which he might fall, but also his backbone. Sarin sighed. He knew he would not be able to resolve this contradiction, at least not now, not immediately. That was impossible without silencing a part of himself. Instead, he would try to accept this contradiction, just as he accepted his goddess’ punishment: not as a final judgment, but as a trial. He would moderate his behavior. He would learn to show more obedience and humility towards his church. He would be more vigilant against the pride that had led him astray. But he would not pretend that this pride had merely misled him. For deep down, he was convinced: if that part were to fall completely silent, then he would no longer be himself - and thus no longer the man whom Iomedae had once chosen to be her paladin. Somehow he had to resolve the contradictions that this judgment had brought with it, in accordance with his goddess, but also in harmony with himself. For if he was not true to himself, then he could not be true to Iomedae either.

 

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played June 5, 2013